SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 072 (10:09)
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MOST OF MY SCRIPT FOR THE SHOW
On this episode of the Top Tips For Sexual Purity Podcast I want to mention several things that I have learned are helpful to make it through your first 30 days of recovery.
In this list of tips, I’ve tried to include things that I think are “difference makers”. Some of them are uncomfortable. Some of them are radical. Some of them call you out of your secrecy and into a different way of living.
If you are in bondage to sexual sin, let’s face it, you HAVE to do things differently. What you’re doing right now is not working.
So let’s start fresh! Let’s begin with a new page. Let’s talk about Tips For the First 30 Days of Your Recovery.
ONE – Find at least one “safe person” to talk to
A “safe person” is someone whom you can talk to about your struggles. The person could have struggled sexually, but it’s not required. This person is someone who will listen in an objective, non judgmental way to you. A safe person is someone safe. Someone you can trust. Someone you can share your secrets with.
During the first 30 days of recovery, you need to begin talking about your junk with someone safe. Those that are doing well in recovery have other people involved in their life
TWO – 30 Meetings in 30 days
This is a tip I got from the first purity group I was a part of. 30 meetings in 30 days comes from many addiction support group materials. You need to talk with other people and meet with other people who are going through similar struggles.
Find out where there are support groups in your area. Doug Weiss groups. Mark Laaser groups. Sexual Addicts Anonymous groups. Celebrate Recovery groups. Visit as many different groups as you can during the first 30 days. Go to as many meetings as possible.
You need people to talk to. You need to hear the stories of others. You need to know that you’re not alone. You need to hear that there is hope. You need to get the names and phone numbers of other people who can be an encouragement to you.
On my website porntopurity.com I have a list of links to help you find groups in your area.
THREE – Make an appointment with a Christian counselor
Next to going to a sexual support group for the first time, this is my favorite tip for the first 30 day. Your world just blew apart, and a counselor can help you sift through it. There’s a lot of stuff going on inside of you; a counselor is trained to unlock the hurts of our emotion and souls.
Find a counselor. And try to find a Christian counselor. Be brave and break the ice on going to a counselor. You won’t be sorry.
FOUR – Deal with your computer
If there’s anything that’s going to trip you up again and send you back into a tailspin. You’re your computer. I don’t know why people get into recovery and haven’t dealt with their computer.
You have to have filters on your computer. But filters are not enough. You have to be radical with your computer. If you’re married, you need to turn your computer over to your wife and let her have the only password. This will cut you off quickly, and help you and your wife be aware of what sites you’re going to.
If you can’t turn your password over to someone else, you definitely need accountability software. BSecure. X3pure, or my favorite Covenant Eyes. This software records all of the sites a computer goes to and sends a report to an accountability partner.
One last thing about dealing with your computer… you need to delete any bad files, videos, or pictures that still remain on your computer.
Clean house. Get protection and gut through your first 30 days with very limited computer use.
FIVE – Get a notebook or journal
This is a great tip that I and many guys have found very valuable. Sexual purity is largely about what’s going on underneath the surface. A notebook or journal will help you write out your thoughts, prayers, and struggles. It’s also a place to begin to write the things you’re learning in your recovery process.
SIX – Cut off sources of temptations
You’re not going to be free of temptation, but you can help to minimize it by being in good places, at good times, with good people, doing good things. You have to radically change the atmosphere you hang around. The computer, TV, magazines, movies, people, girlfriends, boyfriends, places you hang out. Be serious and make some big cuts.
If you are in bad relationships, you have to completely cut them off. Adultery. Pre-marital sex. Chatrooms. You have to chop these from your life. This will mean deleting emails and accounts. Take them off your phone rolodex. De-friend these people on Facebook or Twitter. Stop all contact with them. Don’t let them drag you back in. If you have to, send them a letter explaining your situation and your new commitment and never talk to them again.
SEVEN – Your wife needs someone to talk to
If you are married, your wife is a critical part of your sexual purity and recovery. Her world has just blown apart by your sexual struggles and she needs to have someone to talk to in her life. She needs a counselor or a safe person to talk to. You and her will not be able to get through this without the help of many other people. And you’re the one who’s hurt your wife by your actions. She needs someone other than you to work through it.
EIGHT – Pick up at least one sexual addiction recovery book
You need to begin the habit of reading recovery material. Get some resources that can help you understand your sexual struggles, hear the stories of others, and learn how are getting through it. I have a list of great books on my main site www.porntopurity.com. But my favorite resource to recommend right now is Mark Laaser’s workbook Faithful and True. It’s a great resource that will help you learn, but also think through your own sexual issues.
NINE – Make a commitment to do whatever it takes
You may have made a vow or commitment in the past regarding your sexual purity, but I want you to do it with a different flare. Make a commitment to work on your sexual purity in whatever way it takes. Commit that you’re going to spend whatever money you need to. Devote a large amount of time. Put recovery and purity as #1 on your priority list. Schedule it on your calendar. Put it into your budget. Take whatever steps are necessary, no matter how new or uncomfortable they are. You’re going to have to do many things you’ve never done before with a very high intensity to get through your first 30 days strong.
The bottom line is, you can’t do your 30 days like normal. Your bondage to sexual sin is not a normal struggle. It’s way beyond you. We are much worse off than we thing, and we need to be radical in the way we approach sexual purity.
Thanks For Listening!
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We are proud to be affiliated with Covenant Eyes! They have allowed us to offer you a Free 30-Day trial of their software. I my and Marsha’s opinion, it’s the best on the market. They have great filtering software and accountability software. CLICK HERE for a free 30-day trial of Covenant Eyes, and type in the code PURITY when you check out.
Take this important step and shore up your computer with some filtering and accountability.
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