SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 070 (8:37)
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MOST OF MY SCRIPT FOR THE SHOW
All of us have woundings. Whether we’re working on our sexual purity, recovering from sexual addiction, or don’t struggle with sexual issues at all… all of us have been wounded.
Woundings are emotional, relational, physical or spiritual hurts we have. Woundings may have been a result of our own actions, or the hurts may have been caused by someone else.
I’ve mentioned before on the Top Tips Podcast that our sexual struggles are less about our behaviors, and more about what’s going on underneath the surface. Our unmet needs, our unfulfilled expectations, and our wounds have created gaps inside us. We have learned to fill these gaps with sexual stimulation. We have learned to medicate our hurts and our pain with sexual pursuits instead of seeking the healing that God wants us to have.
I began struggling with sexual sin in Junior High and it continued to grow for 20 years. I had no idea I had wounds that were driving my behaviors. I knew I had sexual struggles. I knew I gravitated toward lustful things, masturbation and porn, but I didn’t know they had any connection with my hurts inside.
At some point in our battle for sexual purity, we start asking:
- How did I get here?
- Why do I like sex so much?
- Why can’t I stop masturbating and looking at porn, even when I want to?
- Why did I go to that chatroom again? Why did I have that affair? Why did I cheat on my girlfriend? Why do I keep craving sexual things?
The answer to these questions can’t come without an exploration of the wounds we have inside.
Freedom from pornography and sexual addiction can’t come without a healing of our wounds.
YOU CAN’T HAVE SEXUAL PURITY WITHOUT HEALING
We have tried to achieve sexual purity with our will power. We promise ourselves we’ll do better and work harder. We make a strong determination to not have sex or go to that computer site. We white knuckle it when we have triggery, tempting days.
Discipline and determination is important, but sexual purity happens from the inside out. We need to find out what’s broken on the inside, then seek the right help for it.
Think about it: Do you want deep, lasting healing, or do you just want to have another “good day”?
Then make a commitment to go deep. Make a commitment to explore your wounds and seek God’s healing.
WHAT DOES A WOUND FEEL LIKE?
Some of you already know what wounds feel like. It’s a very painful. They are pockets of hurt. They are memories that you push away when they pop in your head.
Sometimes wounds are attached to people we don’t like. There are certain people you don’t want to be around. They have hurt you, failed you, rejected you, abandoned you, or maybe abused you. All of those are wounds. The thought of them or being in their presence stirs up negative emotions in you.
Some woundings have come from our families. No parents are perfect. They may have accidentally done things to you or said things to you that have been hurtful. They may have intentionally wounded you.
Even if you came from a good family or a Christian family, we still have family woundings that have come from our imperfect parents and imperfect relatives.
Some wounds come from sexual experiences we have in the past:
- Being sexually active before or outside of marriage
- Looking at pornographic magazines at a young age
- Watching movies with nudity in them at a young age
- Experimental masturbation that turns compulsive
- Sexual abuse that has happened you
Other wounds could have come from broken relationships. Perhaps you were rejected as a young boy. Maybe a girlfriend your really loved broke up with you. Or it could have been the death of a loved one that created a wound in your heart.
Wounds are “no fly zones”. We don’t go there, we don’t talk about them, we quickly change the subject when these hurts are brought up.
Wounds are painful, and we don’t like to go to the painful places.
YOU MUST GO TO THE PAINFUL PLACES
But you must go to the painful places if you want to find healing from you wounds. You must talk about your hurts to others, but you probably need to talk to others about your wounds. This is where counselors come in. This is where your priest or pastor can be helpful. This is where safe people, experienced people, or a support group can be very helpful.
If we don’t go to the painful places and explore our wounds they’re not going to go away on our own. Wounds go deep. And very similar to a gapping wound on our body, band-aids won’t help very much.
When I was a teenager I got bit by a brown recluse spider. The venom from these spiders eats down into your flesh and even bone. My doctor told me the effect is much like leprosy. The procedure for healing was not pretty. He had to dig out all of the bad tissue before bandaging it up. Everyday I had to do some serious scraping on the wound so the wound would stay open and heal from the bottom up. It took a long time.
Don’t try to shortcut your healing. You can’t bypass the pain. If you do, you’ll have more erosion on the inside and will go back to looking for another fix for the pain.
Thanks For Listening!
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Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Show Theme – Derek K. Miller “Hotcake Syrup”
Background - Andy McKee “I’ll Be Over You”
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