SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 069 (8:28)
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MOST OF MY SCRIPT FOR THE SHOW
One of the hard things I had to learn about the recovery process is that the bottom is not really the bottom.
This can be a helpful insight for those of you who are early in your sexual addiction recovery.
Think about it, if you have just entered your recovery, your life has probably hit what you think is bottom. Your sexual sin got found out. Your secret behaviors were discovered, and the truth of who you are inside and what you have done has come into the Light.
When the truth about our sexual behaviors becomes known, we hit a level of brokenness. We definitely hit a bottom, but it’s not usually THE bottom.
You’ll find that you’ll hit multiple bottoms on the road to recovery. God is not out to punish us and make our lives miserable. He loves us and is good. But the only position we can find deep healing from is the bottom. The bottom is the place where we find brokenness, and the path to true brokenness takes some time to get to.
** I encourage you to check out Episode 064 “Brokenness is Essential to Recovery” for more top tips about brokenness.
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I wish this was something we never had to experience, but it’s a very important part of the process of recovery and the path to healing.
My wife thought I should name this podcast “You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet”, or “It’s Going to Get Worse Before it Gets Better”.
I don’t think this is the best thing to talk about on Day 1 right after a person’s world has fallen apart.
This is a tough one, but I promise, it’s an important one. Here are some reasons that we may have to experience several different bottoms:
- There are other things we still need to confess – Rarely do we share everything that we’ve done one with the first confession. There are levels of our confession. There are additional secrets yet to be reveal to the people we have sinned against.
- We have a history – Our behaviors, attitudes and core beliefs all have roots. We have a past we will need to investigate in our recovery. As we trace back our behaviors to their roots, difficult realities will surface. Our sexual history. Our family history. Our relationship history. All of these bring new insights to our addiction.
- We have wounds to uncover – Part of unlocking our history is discovering woundings. We have hurts and unmet needs. We may have experienced rejection or abuse. We have done harm to ourselves and others have done harm to us. These wounds all bring fresh pain that may take us to new lows.
- Consequences come in waves – Our actions have caused damage to others and to ourselves. We may be experiencing some of the consequences of our sexual sins, but many waves of consequence and struggle are yet to come. Early in recovery, we will experience frequent, heavy waves. Later in recovery, the waves will diminish in frequency and strength, but they still come.
- Shock stage comes first – Early in our crisis, we are in a state of shock. Crisis is a numbing stage where we haven’t experienced the full amount of pain. As the dust clears and we are able to start picking up the pieces, we accept our reality, we accept that we are struggling with an addiction, and we start to experience the pain.
- Relationships haven’t caught up yet – Others have been damaged by our actions and inactions. They are still in shock to. As the initial stages wear off, others may begin expressing sorrow and anger. It is very difficult to see others suffering for what we’ve done. It is also very difficult to be the object of someone else’s wrath.
- Slips happen and sometimes send us into a tailspin – Recovery is a process. It will be a struggle, and you will experience many ups and downs. You have not know how to function with a healthy sexuality, so you will stumble through it for a while. You will have slips, setbacks and failures. These can be disheartening and might bring us down to a new level.
I don’t want you to be discouraged by this podcast. Even though you may experience additional bottoms, additional hurts, and additional consequences, God gives strength for you to get through these. He has not left us without hope and His presence.
Understand that it’s critical that you experience these bottoms. Those in recovery who try to shortcut recovery and push away the pain, have very shallow recoveries and fall into relapse very quickly. God wants to hack away at the bad, unhealthy, ungodly stuff and build you back strong. He wants you to function in your sexuality the way He designed you.
You’ll find if you are connecting with healthy, safe people and building your support team, you will be able to navigate through the worst of the bottoms.
Don’t give up! Even if things still need to get worse for you, God can help you through it.
If you don’t have anybody to talk with, drop me an email at 104podcast@gmail.com.
Thanks For Listening!
104podcast@gmail.com
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Resources
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Show Theme – Derek K. Miller “Hotcake Syrup”
Background - Andy McKee “All Laid Back and Stuff”
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Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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