SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 066 (8:57)
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“White knuckling it” is a phrase you’ll sometimes hear in a recovery group. It has to do with a person struggling through a sexually tempting situation. The person is gutting through it, willing himself through it. Sweating through it.
In auto racing, you’ll recognize “white knuckling it” as a time when a driver is navigating through a very dangerous situation or grouping of cars. Grabbing the steering wheel so tight that your knuckles turn white.
All of us have been there in our sexual struggles. We want to do well. We want to do the right thing, but we feel the strong pull to act out.
These situations come when things trigger us, when we have an edgy day, when we are being bombarded with temptations or when we are emotionally struggling.
When we are going through withdrawals, trying to abstain from our sexual behaviors we will experience very challenging situations where the struggle is great.
These are all times when a person might try to white knuckle it.
WHAT’S WRONG WITH WHITE KNUCKLING?
- Relies on our own efforts & will power – We’re not going to get very far in sexual addiction recovery when we try to do thing on our own and with our own strength. We don’t realize how strong an addiction is, and the power it has over us. We are in bondage to our addiction, and we are not powerful enough to break it on our own.
- We’ve tried it on our own and failed many times – How’s your track record on successfully fighting this battle? Probably not too good. Why if we’ve tried 55 times to stop, do we fail the 56th time? We have an addiction. We have practiced for years learning to cope with our hurts, needs, and desires on our own. The neurochemicals in our brains have dug some deep pathways that are hard to break away from.
- We leave others out – We think we can take the private, solo approach to sexual addiction recovery. Bottom line: we need others to help us through this thing. We need to share our garbage with others. We need others to know our hearts and weaknesses. We need accountability. We need encouragement. We might even need a baby sitter when we’re trying to gut through some of these difficult times.
- We leave God out – God is the only one who can get to the deep stuff. He’s the only one who’s stronger than our addiction. He can give us His power and heart during our tough times. Our struggles are meant to drive us to God so that we will surrender them over to Him.
- We have a behavior-only approach - Don’t forget that our sexual addiction is recovery is an emotional, relational recovery also. It’s not just about stopping our acting out. We do need to discipline ourselves, our bodies, and our urges. But we need to give a large amount of attention to the hurts inside. Something is always driving our behavior. Let’s also focus attention there.
In fairness, there are some days when we are engaged in the fight and we just have to “gut through it”. Some days are edgy and we will have to exercise our will power to get through.
Self-discipline is also important to learn. Two components of our recovery are:
- Stopping bad behaviors
- Pouring ourselves in healthy directions
SOME TIPS FOR GETTING THROUGH WHITE KNUCKLE TIMES
On another blog, I talked about “How to Get Through Edgy Days” (Episode 50). I encourage you to go back and check that show out. It’s a good complement to this show.
But what can I do to prepare for white knuckle times, and to get through them, because they will come.
1. Get around others. Get others around you. – If you can leave where you are and go be with other people, that will help. If they’re recovery buddies, that’s great! But if you can’t get around your support buddies, get out with some good friends. Get around healthy people on white knuckle days.
If you can’t leave where you are, get on the phone and talk to some buddies. Share your struggles if they are safe people. Get them to pray for you.
Break the emotional struggle with other people.
2. Go do healthy things – Get out of the house. Step away from work. Get out of your hotel room. Go to places where wholesome things are happening. I like to go to the gym when I’m feeling edgy. Or I’ll get away and write in my journal for a while.
3. Yank out your Bible – Get in God’s Word and get God’s Word into you. If you are praying and filling your life with God’s Word, it’s harder for sexual desires to have their place.
4. Tell God exactly what you’re feeling – Spend some time in prayer. Throw up some 911 prayers. Tell God how your feeling and how edgy it is for you. He really does care and will bring His strong presence to assist you.
In your prayers, surrender your struggle to God. Turn it over to Him. Give it up into stronger hands.
IF YOU’RE PLAYING WITH MUD YOU’RE GONNA GET DIRTY
I think it’s important to say that if you continue to stay in tempting situations, you’re going to fail. The goal is not to be able to get through your Internet session, get through your after work party, or gut through the movie you’re watching. There are definitely times you have to stop what you’re doing, get up and leave. There are some times when you have to draw a hard boundary, set up big roadblocks, and be radically obedient.
You can do it. You have to do it.
We just can’t be stupid about it. Don’t think that you can live right on the edge with one foot in and one foot out and not get burned.
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Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Show Theme – Derek K. Miller “Hotcake Syrup”
Background - Joe Little “Crimson Red”
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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