SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 064 (9:26)
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LET’S TALK ABOUT SURRENDER
The simplest definition of surrender I can think of is
When you come to an area of struggle and let go.
Surrender all revolves around your struggles. In your recovery, you’re going to come to many familiar and new struggles. These may be temptations, hurts, wounds or consequences. They may be major changes or minor changes.
Your struggles are where the rubber is hitting the road right now in your recovery.
Early in recovery, you have a lot of struggles. They come frequently. They come large. And everything is fresh and raw. Your pain is very real and you are trying to break free from habits that are deeply entrenched in your life.
The thing with our struggles is that we start out by gutting through them on our own strength. We might have some success, but we will have a great ratio of failure. We have to learn that we need God and others to help us get through.
Our sexual addiction has brought into our life things that are way beyond our ability to fix:
1. Years of wrong learned behaviors
2. Many different rituals that we go through prior to acting out sexually
3. The neurochemicals in our brain have fed into our addiction
4. Bad messages and coping mechanisms
5. Behaviors we just don’t want to let go of
I started acting out sexually in Junior High, around the age of 13. I did not enter recovery until age 35. That’s over 2 decades of acting out and learning to deal with my needs, emotions, and struggles the wrong way.
I did a lot of behavior modification in my life. I tried and tried to stop my actions. I would white knuckle it, but always had failure.
I tried to be more spiritual and more Christian. I memorized verses. I read the Bible and prayed a lot about my sexual struggles. But always carried the shame of my deeds.
The point of surrender came when I finally started calling out to God and others for help.
Let’s go back through the pillars, because I think the order is important.
Brokenness – You have to be so sick of your behavior that you call out for help
Confession – You have to share your stuff with God, yes. But others around you, safe people, need to know.
Repentance – Making a change of your attitudes and actions.
Surrender is right in there with them. You’ve had a deep heart change and you’ve brought the stuff out in the open. Now you deeply call out to God and others for help.
MY PRAYER
I try to come to God each day and say, “God here are the areas of struggle that are too big for me. If I’m going to have victory and purity in these areas, it’s got to come from you. Bring your power and your strength to this area of my life.”
I do that for each area that I’m struggling with. I may have to do that several times a day. I may be OK one moment with a struggle, then have to call to God for help.
God is the only one that is stronger than our struggles. We are not. Our sponsors are not. Our pastors are not. Jesus is the only one who was tempted in all the ways we were, and yet was without sin.
Give it up to stronger arms! Surrendering is not giving up, it’s putting your struggles in stronger arms.
CALLING OTHERS
When I recognize a struggle, it helps me to call other people on the phone. This is a key principle in recovery. God definitely uses others to help us through the struggle period.
Make a connection with someone. Share your struggle and ask them to pray for you. Ask for their help. Admit your helplessness before others. It really brings a depth to your recovery.
KEEP SURRENDERING IT
Once a day surrendering is not going to cut it, especially if we are early in our recovery. Surrender is a continual thing, just like repentance. Keep offering your struggles off to God.
If you are someone who uses a journal you will have an easier time recognizing your struggles. If you are in the habit of writing things down and working through your pain, they will come out on the page pretty easily.
THE HIGHER GOAL
The goal here is to have every area of our sexuality surrendered over to God. They do not belong to us, they belong to God. We do not live for ourselves, we live for Him and His glory.
STRUGGLES EVOLVE
As we move on through recovery, you will see that your struggles evolve. You will not have to surrender some things anymore, they are regularly out of your hands. But new struggles will emerge because we are constantly growing. God is always stretching us and pushing us to move further along.
Keep current on your struggles. Make sure you keep adding the newer things to your list of things to surrender.
Those that are doing well in recovery are developing each of these pillars and practicing them regularly.
Brokenness, confession, repentance and surrender
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Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Show Theme – Derek K. Miller “Hotcake Syrup”
Background - Plastic Soul “005-1 Electric Guitar”
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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