SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 059 (9:03)
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On the last podcast (Episode 58) we talked about “How to Deal With Slips”. Here’s how I have seen “slip” and “relapse” best defined:
“slip” – when you act out but return to recovery relatively quickly
“relapse” – when you are back to living the lifestyle of the addiction
** I’m want to thank my friend and mentor Tom Daniels for his input on slips and relapse. On my website www.104podcast.com I’ve linked to a series of blogs Tom wrote on the subjects. .
WHAT IF IT TURNS INTO A RELAPSE?
When a person is in relapse, he has returned to his addictive lifestyle and is not active in recovery. He may still be meeting with his accountability partners, group, or counselor, but he is just going through the motions. He’s probably not being honest about his behaviors. He is probably minimizing his sin. And he is not doing much to prevent his acting out. In essence, he has stopped “struggle” with it and have, in large part, given his self over to the addiction.
Many times, the addict goes back the level of acting out he had prior to beginning recovery. In some cases he goes even farther, as if to make up for “lost time”.
Most addicts who relapse want to return to recovery at some point. His intent is in the right direction, but that point of return seems to get farther and farther away.
THE RELAPSE GETS WORSE
A relapse starts out as a slip, but progresses quickly into a full-blown lifestyle. A cascade of slips moves the addict back into his former bondage. His acting out goes from occasional to regular.
The addict will go down very familiar paths again, usually the ones he’s had trouble with before. He will start hiding things again. He will restart old patterns. He might start contacting people he’s had relationships with before.
The addict can maintain a false front for a while. (he’s done it so well in the past). He might be able to fool his group or counselor for a while, but eventually he’s going to stop caring or someone’s going to be smart enough to ask the right question. In a lot of cases, the addict starts withdrawing from his connection with others. Absences from Group become regular occurrences. Conversation and answers become shorter.
The addict may feel a sense of hopelessness and start believing lies. He may think:
“Well, now I’ve really messed up! I might as well give up.”
“It’s no use, I’ll never get free of this.”
“I’m better off in this lifestyle anyway.”
“This is a better lifestyle anyway.”
“I’ll save people a lot of pain if I just stop talking to them.”
“I guess I’m a lost cause.”
WHAT DO I DO WHEN I HAVE A RELAPSE?
If you’re having a relapse, you’re already deep in your acting out again. You have ignored the Holy Spirit telling you to stop, the phone calls of others, you’ve stopped going to counseling and group meetings and are on a hard downward spiral. The steps to getting back are the same as with a slip, but you have to consider some other things.
- You have to want to be well – If you’ve gotten progressively worse and deeper back in, something has to change. You have to get sick of your behaviors and sick of your condition again. You need a brokenness to develop. Our will power is not cutting it. Brokenness and a desire to be well have to come from deep inside. That’s God’s territory. This is where it’s good to pray, “God help me to hate my sin again. Help me to want to get well.” That’s a God-honoring prayer.
- What triggered your relapse in the first place? – It’s important to do a little dissection and analysis here. Do this with the help of a counselor or mature friend. Trace the path that you took and all of the small and large slips that led to your relapse. You need some understanding of yourself and the things that trigger you, so you can bring others into your recovery.
- You need others to huddle around you – More than ever, you need attention. You may have to call out for it, beg for it. But you need others to help you get strong again. A relapse means you have been crippled and weakened. You need others hovering around you to nurse you back to health and help you work through it. Those who are sick need encouragement and presence. They need comfort. They need someone in their life who
- You need major accountability – Finding people to hold you accountable is critical. No one can make you well. You can’t force someone to not act out. If you want to act out, you’re going to find a way to do it. But you need people to come alongside you as you walk in the Light and help you stay focused. You need people who will speak truth into your life and help you work on the areas that you are failing in.
- You need the power of God – Somewhere early in our slips we started ignoring God. We stopped surrendering and listening. We’ve got to get back on track with our walk with God. We need to start talking to Him again, asking Him to bring you out of bondage, and letting go so that His power can come to your rescue. Addiction is driven by core issues that God fully knows, and has the power to change.
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Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
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Background - Andy McKee “She”
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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