SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 058 (8:00)
Click here to download or listen to the show
Two terms that you will hear a lot about in SA recovery are “slips” and “relapse”. There is a difference between a “slip” and a “relapse”.
“slip” – when you act out but return to recovery relatively quickly
“relapse” – when you are back to living the lifestyle of the addiction
I want to address these terms on this podcast an on our next podcast. The ways we deal with slips are different than the ways we deal with a relapse.
** I’m thankful to my friend and mentor Tom Daniels for helping me understand more about these terms.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SLIPS
A slip may be one time event or a “binge” for a number of days, but it results in a return to recovery and openness about the slip.
Slips are part of the recovery process. I don’t know anyone if recovery that has gone from their point of “awakening” to complete sobriety. It happens as a process. It takes time. You go through withdrawals. You have to learn how to deal with triggers and temptations. You have to learn how to build both defensive and offensive recovery strategies.
Slips happen while a person is in recovery, but they do no throw him out of recovery. Out of the 3 steps forward, they are the 2 steps back. The recovery train may take a detour, but it still keeps going. A relapse, on the other hand, is when the train goes completely off the track.
Slips may be normal, but they are still slips. They are still steps in the wrong direction. They are still sins that must be dealt with.
What Do I Do If I Have a Slip?
- Stop acting out – This is just common sense. Stop doing your bad behaviors. Take the first step in the right direction of doing the right thing.
- Confess it to someone – Bring your behavior out into the Light. Whether it’s a small slip, or a larger one, you need to talk about it. This is a huge strategy for building strength up for next time.
- Repent – Repentence means for you to make a U-Turn in your behavior, but also in your attitude. Determine to walk the other way and do it.
- Build some hedges and support around the triggery area – Set up some roadblocks or some accountability. Be active and engaged about a fresh strategy. Maybe it’s been an area that you’ve had several slips on lately. If so, you need to take it very seriously and gets some support.
Is This a One-Time Thing or a Repeat Offender?
This is a question I’ve been asked in my accountability relationships. Some triggers, temptations and slips are new to us. A new person comes across our path, a new environment, maybe a show or magazine we’ve never considered before. If this is something new, you still need to bring it into the Light and watch for it. But if you are coming back to this same slip, then more drastic measures have to be put in place.
Don’t Ignore a Slip or Minimize It
Sometimes we blow off our slips to others. We mention the slip, then go on to something else. We don’t think they are a big deal and we want to just move on. This is minimizing our sins. This is deflecting our sins. We can’t do either if we are going to recover effectively.
Speak the truth. Bring your behavior out into the Light with your friends, your support group, or with your pastor or counselor. Then allow time for questions and inquiry. You confessing it may be all that you need for this slip. But you need to be open to other levels of dealing with your slips.
Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over Your Slip
It’s normal to feel guilt and to feel shame for slipping. You should feel those things, but you should not wallow in them. The goal is for you to get better. Repent and start taking the next steps in the right direction. Don’t condemn yourself just because of a slip. God does not condemn up. He doesn’t write us off because we’re are imperfect. He loves us in spite of our imperfections. This is not a crutch to say that slips are OK, they aren’t. But we need to give the proper amount of attention to slips, no more, no less.
My counselor is convinced that I make it much harder on myself when I beat myself up over a slip. If I have objectified a woman and lusted after her, I spend 10x the amount of time worrying about it and beating myself up. That’s not good balance. If I committed adultery, that would be another story because of the magnitude of the slip. Address your slips with the right amount of attention, learn from them, then get on with your recovery plan.
THE BEST ACCOUNTABILITY SOFTWARE
We are proud to be affiliated with Covenant Eyes! They have allowed us to offer you a Free 30-Day trial of their software. I my and Marsha’s opinion, it’s the best on the market. They have great filtering software and accountability software. CLICK HERE for a free 30-day trial of Covenant Eyes, and type in the code PURITY when you check out.
Take this important step and shore up your computer with some filtering and accountability.
Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Show Theme – Derek K. Miller “Hotcake Syrup”
Background - Andy McKee “She”
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
Subscribe to the show on I-Tunes
