SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 053 (10:12)
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1. The roots go deep – Every person who struggles sexually has a history. There may be abuse in his past. They may come from a sexually repressed family or sexually liberal family. Things like peer pressure, unmet needs, past sexual experiences, failures, or the condition of their marriage might contribute to why a person is acting out sexually.
2. Deep needs underneath are being met in wrong ways – Behind ever sex addict are God-given needs that have gone unmet. It might be the needs to be loved, accepted, understood, fulfilled, respected, or appreciated. It might be a need for companionship or a need for intimacy. The minister needs to know unmet needs drive addiction, and the addict has been seeking sexual pleasure to meet these needs.
3. We have tried to stop, many times – The sexual struggler doesn’t understand the bondage he is in. He knows he needs to stop and has tried hundreds of times, made promises to himself, prayed, but doesn’t know how to conquer it. He doesn’t know that he can’t do it on his own. He doesn’t understand the importance of sharing his secrets and confessing his sin. He doesn’t know that he is damaged and needs others to help him slowly through it. Telling a struggler just to stop or replace his behavior.
4. More religious actions won’t help – Bible reading, prayer, fasting, memorization are key to recovery. But many who are struggling in your church are already doing these things. They are in bondage to sexual sin. A stronghold has taken hold. Books from Jonathan Edwards and C.S. Lewis are fine, but suggest them later.
Right now, the man who struggles needs to confess, bring things to the light, repent. He needs the elders of the church to pray over him and walk him back to Jesus. He has hardened his heart and has no idea how far away his heart has strayed.
5. We need someone to “get in the mud” with us – Some react to a sexual addict like they have H1N1. Some give trite expressions and dismiss the person saying, “I’ll pray for you.” We don’t need sympathy. We need empathy. We need people to get in the trenches with us. We are sick, crippled, paralyzed, and unable to “man up” and work through this. Treat the sexual addict like you would someone who’s just been in a tragic car accident. That’s more like it.
6. A lecture, threat, or scolding is not going to help – The sexual struggler is already wrestling with the Shame Monster. Don’t bring more shame on him. Don’t bring condemnation or bombard him with a blast about how unrighteous he is acting. He knows that.
7. We need skilled help – Some ministers are helpful to the sexual struggler and can help them with some of the initial layers. But a minister needs to know his limits, both in skill and in time commitment. Find a Christian counselor who specializes in sexual issues. Find an older or more experienced person in the church that can help disciple the struggler.
8. We need resources – Sexual strugglers don’t know where to turn for help. They have used their computers for finding porn, not for finding help. You help them minister! Do some leg work and help them find websites, phone numbers, podcasts, books, counseling programs, support groups, and live-in programs. Connect them with the niche people who deal with this area.
Start with this list of resources on our main site: HERE
9. Sexual strugglers are not lepers – It’s not hard for someone who has been in bondage to sexual sin to feel condemned. They do a good enough job condemning themselves! Ministers can help protect sexual strugglers from being labeled and ostracized. Churches that are helping the right way are reminded that we all have sin, and we sometimes get into bondage from that sin. We must deal with sin seriously and with discipline with one hand. With the other we must reach into the mud with love and grace and mercy to help those of us that are sick.
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Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Show Theme – Derek K. Miller “Hotcake Syrup”
Background - Andy McKee “She”
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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