SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 046 (10:15)
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I want to thank my friend at Purifying Grace for putting together a nice list of ways that we minimize sin. Here are a few of them.
1. We give excuses
“I’m a guy, and guys do things like this.”
“That’s the addiction in me.”
2. We rationalize
“Well at least I didn’t cheat on my wife.”
“I looked at that movie, but I didn’t masturbate.”
3. We blame others
“I was abused as a child.”
“My wife doesn’t meet my sexual needs.”
4. We claim to be a victim – We see a sexy billboard and say, “I didn’t put that billboard there.” We might blame the spammer who sent the anonymous porn email to our email address. This type of victimization is by some anonymous force out there that is against us.
5. We wear masks – and pretend we’re something we’re not. I fake maintain an image for many reasons including shame, inadequacy, embarrassment, and guilt. This one really has two parts: hiding our sin; and exaggerating my good qualities/actions.
6. We downplay the sin
“Well it was only a catalog picture,”
“But it wasn’t hardcore pornography.”
7. We spiritualize our sinning. I shift the focus on God’s grace and my apparent or real sorrow. Basically, I am playing the God card. I say, “God has forgiven me, so why haven’t you?” Or “God has forgiven me, so should you.” I expect everyone else to take the high road and be like Jesus while I excuse myself to play the role of sinner.
8. We feel deserving or entitled.
“I had a hard week, so I deserve this,”
“My wife is not attentive to my needs, so I’m going to take care of business myself.”
9. We create a diversion – We talk about our behavior, but then quickly change the subject to something else.
You’re checking into Group. You’ve acted out and relapsed this week. You talk about our difficult week, but then talk about how difficult your wife is.
Attention = on wife
You’re having problems in chatrooms again. You talk to a friend about it, but then you turn the subject to how you’ve slipped in reading the Bible and praying.
Attention = on your spiritual disciplines instead of your slipping up
10. We make a Minimize Sandwich – This is a sophisticated type of minimization that says: I’m a good person, I did something wrong, I’ve wrapped it up and dealt with it.
“Now I’m a very good person [or spiritual person], and I know I’m not perfect, nobody is. I looked at porn, yes. But then I turned the computer off and asked God’s forgiveness and He forgave me.”
“I had a good week. I did have one incident where I masturbated. But it was only one time. Thank God it wasn’t a binge like I used to do.”
CHECK OUT THE PURIFYING GRACE WEBSITE
My friend at Purifying Grace is putting out some good content on sexual addiction. His blog goes deep into some of his own struggles and how he’s finding God’s victory. P.G. also does a lot of research and scripture digging that will be helpful to you.
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Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
Show Music from MusicAlley.com
Show Theme – Derek K. Miller “Hotcake Syrup”
Background - Andy McKee “Natogawa San”
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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