SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 032
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The quicker you learn the importance of listening, the better off you’ll be in your sexual purity.
If you are seeking to be sexually pure, or recovering from sexual sin you’re not going to learn anything if you do all the talking.
THE “ALL ABOUT ME” PHASE
When a person comes into recovery, the pain is real. They are at their end. Parts of their life may have fallen apart. Secret behaviors were discovered. They are in a lot of pain, and probably haven’t talked to many people about it.
People in pain want to talk about their pain. They don’t know anything else. They know they are hurting and miserable and have to work it out.
They are generally not in a “listening mode”.
The job of the friend, counselor, or support group is to listen and let him vent. They need to be supportive and loving and not try to offer stacks of advice.
THE “I’VE GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT” PHASE
Even worse than the “all about me” phase is when a person thinks he has all the answers. More talking ensues. He has his problems figured out. He has all the answers. Everything will be fine. His weeks are always good with no struggles.
Sometimes this happens when a person starts getting a little bit of knowledge about his sexual recovery. Maybe he reads a book that turns some lights on. Maybe he shares the truth for the first time and feels freed. It’s good to be here, but a person is probably still talking too much.
When we think we’ve got it all figured out, we don’t listen to the wisdom of others.
THE “WHAT NOW?” PHASE
When a person stops talking, and starts listening, it’s a glorious thing! It might happen after a relapse or failure. It might happen during a withdrawal phase, or grief phase. There may be a consequence that knocks him off his pedestal to get him to the point of not knowing what to do.
At some point, a person in recovery starts saying, “I don’t have the answers. I don’t know what to do. What now?”
This person is ready. Ready to hear others stories and wisdom. Ready to listen to the Holy Spirit and to the guidance of God’s Word. We listen best when we run out of solutions. When we run out of ourselves.
SOME ADVICE FROM JEFF
I was in this phase for about 8 months. It was all about me and my consequences. I had a lot of loss in my life and it made my grief phase difficult. My situation changed only as I started to listen to others.
So puke it out early. Share. Dump out your story. You need to talk about it. Then shut your lips for a while and listen to others. They have a lot to say.
Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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Posted by Dale on December 27, 2009 at 3:15 pm
I’m still in the “all about me” phase. Thanks for pointing it out. I’ve been sober since October 28th, and have built a great support system. Jeff and Marsha are part of that system. Thanks for all the insight and encouragement.
Posted by 104podcast on December 27, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Thanks Dale for your comment. Keep it up, man! A good support system is critical to a strong recovery. Walk in the Light. Make sure you have people who know your story active in your life on a weekly basis, and whatever other steps you need to take. It’s worth it!