SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 025
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WHITE KNUCKLING IT
This is a term I have heard many guys say in addiction groups. When they are having a bad day and the struggle is hard, they talk of “white knuckling” it. They are just hanging on, feeling the temptation hard, and just waiting for the day to pass. A “white knuckle” day is the day where the battle feels harder and you have to gut through it.
Everyone has days like this. It is especially prevent in the early stages of recovery when we go through withdrawals. But if a person is “white knuckling it” all the time, something is wrong. Something more extreme needs to be done.
CHECK IN
“Check In” time in a recovery group is the time when you report on your week. It’s the time to be open and honest about your behaviors, your relationships, you bottom lines, and where you are emotionally. Check in time should be met with confidentiality, love, encouragement, and counsel.
ACCOUNTABILITY
You make yourself accountable when you place yourself under the submission of another and give him or her permission to ask questions about areas of your life, and call you to task for your commitments. You must give an account for your actions.
The person who is accountable has the responsibility of being open and honest. It is his recovery and growth and will do him no good if he is hiding things from is accountability partner.
Accountability is built on trust. It is done well in a safe environment. The accountability partner must be trustworthy and able to keep confidences.
Accountability also needs to have some structure to it. A regular phone call or meeting each week. A regular set of questions.
RED LIGHT / YELLOW LIGHT BEHAVIORS
A RED LIGHT behavior is the same thing as acting out and crossing a bottom line.
A YELLOW LIGHT behavior is when you are playing in an area of temptation. Surfing the web looking for pictures. Flipping through a magazine, just to see. Walking past a girl’s cubicle at work to see if she’s there, or what she’s wearing.
Yellow lights are full of intent problems. What was your intent when you were behaving? Did you consciously seek out something? Did you deep down hope to find an image?
In recovery, yellow lights need to be treated like bottom lines. Your intent to see something shows the selfishness and sinfulness of your heart. To God, it’s no different than crossing a bottom line. Having a heart full of adulterous thoughts is no different to God than commiting adultery.
Yellow lights indicate a heart problem.
MY RECOVERY STORY
Every sexual recovery group has a time where people share their stories. We usually did it when there was a new guy in the group. We went around the circle during our check in time and told our story.
Recovery stories are sometimes treated as a special segments to groups. They are testimonials, and are meant for encouragement for the rest of the guys.
Your story is important. Telling your story is important. It helps us learn to be open and honest. It helps us be comfortable with terms that are not normally spoken in public. Telling our story helps us have the courage to bring things to the light that we have hidden.
I always benefit from hearing other people’s stories. I always seem to see myself in their stories. I am reminded of where I came from, where I am, and where I need to be going. It’s encouraging to hear from guys that have been in recovery longer than me and have been successful. They have good advice and tips.
OBJECTIFYING WOMEN
I had not heard or thought about objectifying women until I came to group. Objectifying women is looking at women as objects. It is treating them as less than human. It is a selfish behavior that we have been conditioned to do. Since guys are so visual and driven by lust, it is easy to objectify women.
Men in recovery are working on this. It may not be their primary bottom line, but it becomes one of those things that they must work on in their journey for purity.
Resources
www.porntopurity.com (Main Website)
http://porntopurity.wordpress.com (Porn to Purity Blog)
The 104 Podcast
Top tips for sexual purity. The meat. Get to the most important stuff in bite-sized pieces.
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