SHOWNOTES FOR EPISODE 009
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Here are some of my fears followed by the truths I experienced:
I THOUGHT COUNSELING WAS FOR THE “REALLY MESSED UP” PEOPLE – I viewed myself as strong. I felt I was OK, but just had a weakness
Truth – Real people go to counseling. We are all “messed up” in a sense. The people who really have problems are the ones who don’t think they have any problems.
I WAS NOT BIG ON TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS – I am not a feely, touchy guy. I didn’t want to be all mushy in counseling.
Truth – Most of my counselors would say, “No problem.” Talk about your goals. Talk about your story. You don’t have to be something you’re not. Just be who you are and we’ll go from there.
I WAS AFRAID THE COUNSELOR WOULD MESS ME UP. PSYCHO ANALYZE ME.
Truth – My counselors mostly listen. They ask questions. They are skilled in knowing where to probe and prick, but only if that’s comfortable for me. I’ve not met a counselor yet who was out to impose his own stuff on me.
I WAS AFRAID THE COUNSELOR WOULD TELL ME TO LEAVE THE MINISTRY OR TAKE A MORE EXTREME ROUTE
Truth – This fear is more about me than my counselor. I wanted to keep my job. I wanted to fix my problems privately. Sometimes this is possible. But I realized that my private behaviors had already started affecting my public life. The counselor can only make recommendations of what to do. He can’t make me take any radical steps that I’m not prepared to take myself.
I WAS AFRAID OF WHAT MIGHT REALLY BE WRONG WITH ME – I thought something might be wrong with my background or my upbringing and I didn’t want to know about it. I didn’t want to be labeled as a bad person. I wanted to be a person who had it together.
Truth – This was my pride. Really, everyone has “junk” in their lives. Things are wrong with all of us. Our backgrounds, families, experiences, and emotional makeup all contribute to who we are. So what if I ended up having a bad background. So do most people.
I WAS AFRAID OF GIVING UP CONTROL – I wasn’t feeling this at the time, but I later discovered this fear. I like to feel like I’m in control and that I can control my behavior.
Truth – This is pride again. There are plenty of things in my life that I can’t control. I have to learn to seek God for these things and seek the help of others (including counselors).
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Q: Have you been to counseling before? What was it like?
Q: What were your fears about counseling? Was this what happened?
Resources
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Posted by AreYouReadingMyMind? on October 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Wow Jeff, thanks for putting this entry up all of 3 days before I start counseling. I’ve been in recovery for 10 months and I’ve been going to group for almost 2 months, but I’m just getting around to counseling. I went to a couple of “emergency” counseling sessions right after I was found out in an effort to get pointed in the right direction in saving my marriage and job, but only went twice. This will be my first one-on-one with a counselor in an effort to figure out what’s going on “behind the scenes” of my addiction. Thanks for another great podcast.
Posted by 104podcast on October 6, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Yes I was reading your mind…..!
I think so many guys are freaked out about counseling. I was one of them. So I had to break the ice, swallow my pride, and just go.
Some sexual recovery counseling is focused on behavior alone, or just probing your past. That’s not going to get a person very far. God is the only one who can get to the real heart of things, so there has to be a spiritual component along with the other stuff. Have a good session!